The holidays have come and gone, and if I’m being honest, they didn’t turn out quite the way I’d hoped. The season, which is supposed to be filled with joy, togetherness, and cherished memories, somehow became a whirlwind of overscheduling, illness, and a whole lot of stress. And now, as we usher in a new year, I find myself reflecting on all the ways I pushed myself too hard—and how, in the end, it just wasn’t worth it.

Expectations vs. Reality

It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of the holidays, isn’t it? There’s a pressure to make everything perfect: the decorations, the meals, the family gatherings, the perfectly curated gift lists. And while I had every intention of making this holiday season magical, I fell into the trap of overcommitting, saying “yes” to too many things, and hoping that everything would magically come together. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

I hopped right off a plane from NYC and rushed myself to our neighborhood Santa gathering. A few days later I packed both girls into the car for a six hour weekend trip to visit family in Virginia. When we hopped back in the car a few days later I was gifted a 103 degree fever and strep throat that I had to manage with OTC meds while I waited for urgent cares to open again on the 26th. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day felt like something to “just get through.” I was devastated.

I had spent the entire month of December buying gifts, wrapping presents, planning menus, organizing family schedules—all in the hopes of creating a beautiful, magical Christmas. But when the day arrived, I found myself unable to fully enjoy it. I felt like I was running on empty, and I realized I had sacrificed my own well-being in the process of trying to create something perfect.

A few days later, in a group chat with some mom friends, I realized I wasn’t the only one whose holiday dreams had unraveled. One friend’s son had gotten sick at Christmas dinner and projectile-vomited all over the fancy plates she had spent hours selecting. Another friend, who has four kids, had a brand new fridge delivered, only to have the installer drop it in the middle of her living room, unable to finish the installation. We dubbed ourselves the “Christmas criers,” and strangely, it made me feel better to know that I wasn’t alone in the fact that things hadn’t gone as planned. It wasn’t perfect for any of us, but we were still in it together.

Lessons Learned

It’s hard not to feel disheartened when the picture you had in your head doesn’t match up with the reality that unfolds. When you work so hard to make everything just right, and it doesn’t work out, it’s easy to feel like you’ve failed. Especially during the holidays, when society holds up an idealized version of what the season should look like—complete with picture-perfect trees, flawless dinners, and cinematic holiday magic.

But the truth is, life just doesn’t work that way. Family dynamics, illness, and plain old exhaustion can throw even the most carefully laid plans off course. No matter how much you plan, sometimes things just don’t go as you expect—and that’s okay.

So, how do you cope when your holiday dreams don’t materialize the way you hoped? The first step is to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel disappointed. It’s normal to feel let down when things don’t go as planned. Giving yourself permission to feel frustrated or sad is key. Instead of pushing those feelings down or pretending everything is fine, honor them. It’s okay to say, “This isn’t what I imagined.”

But also, take a step back and ask yourself: Why was I so attached to those expectations in the first place? Why did I feel the need for everything to be flawless? Often, we’re chasing perfection because we believe it will bring happiness or validation. But here’s the truth: happiness doesn’t live in flawless moments. It lives in the messy, unpolished, imperfect parts of life. It’s in the unplanned laughter, the moments of connection, and the way we find joy in the middle of the chaos.

Another way to cope is to shift your perspective. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, try to focus on the moments that went right—no matter how small. Maybe you didn’t get the holiday card photo you were hoping for, but you had a spontaneous, silly moment with your kids that made you laugh so hard you cried. Maybe you weren’t able to go all out on gifts, but the ones you gave were thoughtful and meaningful. Look for those little victories, those quiet wins that are easy to overlook when you’re consumed with the idea of perfection. The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. In fact, some of the best moments are the ones that come with a little bit of imperfection.

Lastly, allow yourself the grace to reset. If you feel like the season didn’t live up to your expectations, it’s okay to take a breather. The world won’t end if you skip a holiday tradition or opt out of a social gathering. Your mental and emotional health is worth prioritizing. Set boundaries, say no when you need to, and let go of the pressure to do it all. A “perfect” holiday season is an illusion, but a joyful, fulfilling one is about embracing the flaws and the imperfections—and finding beauty in them.

Moving Forward

Looking back, my holidays may not have been everything I dreamed they would be, but they were still full of moments that mattered. The laughter, the shared experiences, the quiet moments of connection—they all count, even if they weren’t part of the perfect holiday picture I had imagined.

As we look toward 2025, I’m leaving behind those unrealistic expectations and embracing a new mindset: one that focuses on the real, messy, and beautiful parts of life. Perfection isn’t the goal. True happiness comes from being present in the moments, whatever shape they take. I’m ready to create a life that celebrates those imperfections, and I hope you’ll join me in doing the same.