As I approach the end of my first year as a new mom in March, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the growth and struggles my baby and I have faced along the way. There were so many times I was scared out of my mind, hours spent crying because I felt like I wasn’t doing enough, and an exponential amount of laughs and smiles as she reached all her milestones along the way.

In the year of 2024, I wanted to write about my experiences as a first time mom and tell you all of the things I’ve learned, but the truth of the matter is, I’m still just figuring it out. And that’s really all parenting is ever going to be, right? As my first baby grows, new challenges will arise and there will always be the next new thing that I have to navigate and if I’m being completely honest, I’m just doing what feels right to me. So, instead, I’ve decided to simply reflect in the form of weekly affirmations to remind myself that I am enough and see how far I’ve come. I hope these weekly affirmations provide you with a sense of comfort that we all struggle, we’re all just figuring it out, and that you too, are more than enough. 

This week’s mama affirmation: “I am a better parent when I take care of myself”

As we start off the new year, I feel this affirmation is the perfect place to begin. When we think of the new year, we always set intentions like “I’m going to go back to the gym,” “I’m going to eat better,” “I’m going to read more.” But, those things can seem so impossible as a mom. Go to the gym? Where am I going to find the time to get out of the house? Read more? I’m exhausted at the end of the day. Eat better? All my toddler will eat is mac and cheese, do I just cook all day long? The task of actually taking care of yourself can seem so daunting; there are only so many hours in a day  and only so much of you to go around. 

However, I think this affirmation speaks volumes. Taking care of myself can mean so many different things to so many different people. I think back to when my daughter was around 5 or 6 months old and I was having a discussion with my husband (and by discussion I mean me in tears by no fault of his) trying to explain that I felt like I was losing myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I had band practice, the last time I saw my friends, the last time we had a date night just the two of us. I was overwhelmed and stuck in a cycle where half the time I didn’t even know what day it was. Not only was this not serving me, but it was impacting the way I was showing up as a mom. 

I was passive.

I was simply doing whatever I could to just get through the day. Feed the baby, change the baby, do tummy time with the baby, bounce the baby, let the baby contact nap, repeat. It was a never ending cycle, day and night, with seemingly no way out. However, this tear-filled conversation led to me being able to set some time aside to do what I wanted, alone. I got back into my hobbies and picked up new ones. I bought some books and started reading again instead of mindlessly scrolling through my phone. I started not feeling guilty for making plans on the weekend without my baby. I started taking care of me and while that still comes with some lingering mom-guilt, I am constantly reminding myself just how necessary it is. 

Remember, you are a better parent when you are a better you. 

Taking care of yourself can mean so many different things. The goal should be carving out time every week for yourself to do something that makes you happy. We are not programmed to be around people 24/7. We need the alone time and while the mom-guilt may not completely disappear, just remember you are doing what you need to in order to bring yourself some peace. You are allowed to do things that bring you joy outside of your child, it doesn’t mean you love them any less.