I’ve come to the determination that a very large part of motherhood is becoming an expert in the skill of holding two feelings simultaneously. I’ve lost count of the scenarios in which I find myself straddling the line of opposite feelings. Therefore, we as mothers must be experts in the idea that two things can be true at once.

After recently weaning my youngest due to my supply drying up I found myself both relieved and terribly sad. Relieved to have my body back to myself and to not be the sole provider of milk. However, I cried when I realized we had nursed for the last time because that bonding time is just so special. Neither feeling won out in the end. And so, they just exist together as we find our new normal.

Or when my toddler yells and snatches something from his little sister’s hands I am so frustrated at his lack of gentleness. But I also feel such tenderness towards him knowing how hard it is to become a big sibling and learn to share. It makes me want to pull my hair out and squeeze him tight all at once.

When I let my son have a bit more screen time that normal, I’m thrilled to have a few extra minutes to tackle the never ending to do list but it’s coupled with a heavy dose of mom guilt that “screens are bad for his development” and I shouldn’t ever need it.

I’m desperate for my almost one year old daughter to sleep through the night but I also love the middle of the night or early morning or sometimes all night snuggles while she’s figuring it out.

And I feel sure we’re all familiar with the beaming pride we feel when our littles do something new or seemingly grow before our eyes. But isn’t this often accompanied by a sadness that they’re growing too fast, the days are too fleeting and we won’t get them back?

Motherhood is many things. However, simple is not one of them. I feel my emotional bandwidth has grown dramatically in size since welcoming my little ones into the world. Still, I continue to be amazed at the wide range of emotions and feelings motherhood brings. Sometimes one at a time but more often than not, all at once.