The toddler years are filled with wonder, curiosity, and yes, occasional tantrums. They can be so triggering to parents who never learned to handle their own emotions because suddenly you have to handle someone else too! They can also be an eye-opening experience as you start to see your own characteristics (good or bad) reflected in your child. While you learn to help your little one navigate such time, it can be a great opportunity to learn to deal with yours too.

Here are some positive discipline strategies to help you navigate this exciting yet challenging stage of your child’s development.

Empathize and Validate Feelings

When your toddler is upset, acknowledge their emotions. Saying something like, “I see that you’re feeling frustrated,” helps them feel understood. They need to feel like you are there for them and not that you are simply trying to stop them from feeling. It might feel silly or permissive in the moment, but teaching your child that feelings are allowed and valid will serve them well into adulthood. The feeling is not the problem. The way they act is what needs to be addressed.

Redirect Attention

Toddlers have short attention spans. Gently guide them toward a different activity or toy to shift their focus. Do not, however, start throwing toys and snacks in their face while they are upset. This can feel dismissive and overwhelming at the moment and lead to more frustration. Instead, gently offer an alternative to what they are upset about.

Offer Choices

Provide your toddler with options when appropriate. This empowers them and gives them a sense of control. If you’ve had to say no to yet another cup of apple juice, offer them some water in their favorite cup. If they are upset over not being allowed to watch TV, offer to read a book with them. Often their brains will hear the Yes that quickly follows the No instead of just the frustrating No.

Establish Routines

Predictability can be comforting for toddlers. Establishing a consistent routine helps reduce stress and prevent meltdowns, especially around mealtimes or bedtimes where tantrums are more common. Many times, our toddlers don’t like to feel pulled from one fun activity to a less fun activity. Think about how you, as an adult, would feel if someone suddenly demanded you stop reading your book and come to dinner. As adults, we understand how to say, “Yes. Let me just finish this page and I’ll be right here.” but our little ones don’t. A routine allows them time to move from one activity to the next and predict what that activity will be.

Use Positive Language

When giving instructions that might lead to a meltdown, frame your instructions positively. For example, say “walk slowly” instead of “don’t run.” The child will hear what they can do instead of what they can’t do and that might create less of a power struggle dynamic between you and them. Children like to feel in control. This simple switch allows them some of that.

Set Clear Boundaries

Children are built to find and push boundaries. It’s part of how they learn to find their place and navigate the world. When those boundaries are constantly moving and changing, it can cause your child to feel out of control or even unsafe leading to emotional outbursts. Communicate what is expected of your toddler. Consistency is key in enforcing boundaries. Don’t set boundaries you are not prepared to hold.

Use Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs

Instead of isolating your child during a time-out, consider a “time-in” where you sit together and discuss their behavior. This reinforces to your child that you love them and are there to support them no matter how they behave. It can also give your child an emotional connection they may be seeking and it can help them regulate their own emotions to yours – this is called coregulation.

Offer Praise and Encouragement

Celebrate small achievements and efforts. This builds their confidence and reinforces positive behavior. Say simple things like, “Thank you for using your words so I can understand you.” or “Good job not hitting when he took your toy.” These remind your child that you do see them when they are behaving well. Sometimes children learn that they get more attention when they act out and that makes them do it as a cry for your attention.

Remember, tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood, and patience is key. By using positive discipline techniques, you can help your child navigate their emotions and learn valuable coping skills. You may even learn something bout yourself in the process!