Change is hard for everyone, no matter the age. We’ve all felt that upset tummy and nervous jittery feeling when thinking about the prospect of something new and scary. As parents, it’s our job to guide our kids through these transitions and help them see that not all change is bad. With a little creativity and empathy, we can tackle these big feelings with our children in positive ways.

A key component to this process is believing your child when he or she opens up about their feelings. Whether it’s school or sleeping in a new bed, these situations can feel truly overwhelming for a kiddo. Make sure not to diminish or invalidate their emotions.

In truth, preparation is key. No one likes being thrown into the deep end without warning. So, let’s prepare ourselves – and our kids – for handling change in healthy and constructive ways.

Helpful Ways Parents Can Handle Transitions and Change With Their Kids

1. Communicate early.

If a change of any nature is on the horizon, calmly let your child know and don’t let it come as a surprise later on. That could lead to severe trauma and break down feelings of safety, security, and trust.

2. Think about individual roadblocks that will be involved in the transition.

If you are preparing for a new school year and know your kiddo is not a morning person, anticipate that and think about strategies to make mornings easier. If your child is afraid of crowds and you are planning a vacation to an amusement park, prepare your child with safety talks and plenty of reassurance. What individual barriers to success will your child deal with? Ponder that question as you tackle this big change.

3. Show positivity.

Help your children identify and understand the good things that might come about from this change. For example, if your child is changing schools, you could remind him or her of opportunities to make new friends. If you are moving to a new house, show your children where nearby parks are or let them have a say in how they decorate their new rooms. Note: beware of toxic positivity, which can diminish children’s valid feelings of fear or sadness. Make sure there is space for all the emotions – good and bad – in the process.

4. Accept tears and tantrums with understanding and compassion.

As we just mentioned, bad emotions will likely surface during any big change, and that is okay. Remind yourself that change is hard for everyone, and kids don’t always have the tools they need to communicate their feelings in healthy ways or adjust when their surroundings are no longer familiar. Their brains are still developing, after all. In moments of chaos, take time to slow down and be present with your child. You might be able to discuss their problems and find solutions; if not, at least they know you are always there for them.

5. If the change involves new tasks, make sure you teach and demonstrate that skill to your child.

You may even have to teach your kids the same skill multiple times for it to sink in. For instance, if you are moving your toddler from a crib to a bigger bed, show your kiddo how to get in and out of bed safely. If you are leaving an older child home for the first time, make sure they know how to contact emergency personnel, where to find basic first aid items, etc. They can’t be expected to handle transitions well unless you, as the parent, empower them with the knowledge they need to be successful!

6. Let your children ask questions.

There may be a lot of them, and you may have to repeat yourself. But keeping that communication open is incredibly important. Your children trust you to answer their questions and help them when they get stuck. Be patient in these teaching moments. For example, if your child has to ride the school bus for the first time, he or she might ask several times who will unlock the door when they arrive home. Remind your little one kindly that you (or another trusted individual) will always be home when the bus comes to take care of them. He or she may continue asking just for the feeling of reassurance.

7. Offer comfort items.

If your kids need a little extra attention during this transition phase, consider getting something they can regularly see or touch to remind them that they are loved. You could include their favorite stuffed animal or plushie in their backpack on their first day of school, or maybe offer a sticker, temporary tattoo, or bracelet (or other piece of jewelry) if they have a performance or speech at school. This is especially great if your child is a very tactile person. He or she can touch their special object when they need a boost of comfort or confidence, which gives them a sense of control and independence as they tackle something new or daunting.

Be Brave

Remember that even with all the best preparation, change and transitions may still be hard for your children. Don’t feel bad if they push back against things that you know are good for them. It will help them grow. Trust your instincts, be there for your kids, and let them know you’ll walk through this transition together.