Mothering is usually pictured as caring for little kids, but there is a whole other aspect of caregiving that many moms deal with but never talk about: caring for elderly relatives.
Being a caregiver is not for the faint of heart. It can require physical labor taking care of someone else’s physical needs, and the emotional stress of being responsible for a grown adult is also wearying. Add into the mix the occasional family drama, medical bills and financial stress, and other issues, and it can be downright exhausting.
As a society, we often forget that many people who care for the elderly also have young kids at home. They have homework to check, meals to make, soccer games to attend, etc. Caring for an ailing parent or grandparent can be a full-time job, and some moms feel torn between their kiddos and their adult dependents.
There is no perfect solution in this situation, but there are things that families can do to make everyone more comfortable. The most important thing is to rally together as a family to split duties and lift morale.
Help Your Elders as a Family
Families should take turns and cooperate to make sure all of the elderly individual’s needs are met. As you sit with siblings, aunts and uncles, and others, talk about who has the ability to follow through with these tasks:
- Visiting: Who will check in on them at home? Who can stop by regularly? When you are there, make sure there is food in the house, and that the home is relatively clean.
- Inviting: Who can invite this person over for socialization? Who can pick this person up (keep in mind any limitations such as wheelchairs, oxygen tanks, etc.)? Make sure to include your relative for basic things like passing out Halloween candy to neighborhood kids, watching a kid’s soccer game, and joining in for Sunday dinner.
- Asking questions: Who can call to check in on this person regularly? Where do they need to go what errands do they need to run, what doctor appointments do they have coming up, how are they feeling, and what medications are they taking? Asking and following up on these important questions will make you aware of changes in their health as well as things they might need. From there, you can make better decisions about their transportation, their in-home care, etc.
- Getting personal: Who can sit with your loved one and ask them to share their stories? This is so important for elderly individuals. They want someone to care about their lives. Ask them about their childhoods, and record their memories if they allow it (written or voice recorded is fine – whatever works). These stories can be treasured for generations.
Remember this:
If you are a caregiver for an aging relative, remember these two things on days when you feel particularly overwhelmed:
- Your elderly relative often feels lonely, depressed, and confused by the new limitations of their physical bodies. They depend on you, which can make them feel scared and embarrassed. Give them grace, respect, and understanding.
- Your kids will not blame you for missing out on some things when you have such heavy responsibilities elsewhere for a loved one’s well-being. In fact, your example is teaching them about service, empathy, and compassion.
Remember, you’re doing good all around. Make this quote from Edward Albert your mantra: The simple act of caring is heroic.
You’re a hero to your kids and your aging relatives. Be proud of yourself and hang in there! Ask for help, because no one should be in the caregiving trenches alone, whether you’re looking after crying babies or loved ones in their old age.