I am newly postpartum with the squishiest, sweetest 3 week old little one. She is our second baby and over the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about my first postpartum experience and how different things are this time around. Some things are different not by choice, like less time to nap or needing to put baby down more frequently than I ever did with number one…hello having 2 under 2! But there are some things that are different because I’m doing them differently!

It’s something I am LOVING about being a second time mom. Because you’ve done it before, you have a baseline of what works, what doesn’t, what will be helpful, what won’t etc. Sure every baby is different but having first hand experience is so helpful and makes things feel much less overwhelming than when you come home from the hospital the first time, thinking you know some things and finding out you know less than you thought. So what am I doing differently this postpartum?

1. Accepting ALL of the Help

It’s not that I didn’t have or accept help the first time around, I did! But I often felt like I needed to figure things out on my own so I’d avoid asking for help when I was overwhelmed or I’d decline it when offered. I didn’t WANT to need it.

This time around, I am accepting help whenever it is offered. I know now that I don’t need to be able to do it all myself. And even though I probably could manage without a lot of extra help this time around, I know the value of letting go of some things. It means I get a few extra minutes to rest when I let my mom do the laundry. Or it means I get extra baby snuggles when I let my in-laws take the toddler out for lunch. And it means I get to spend more time with my toddler when I let someone from church bring us dinner.

2. Stressing Less About “Baby Tracking”

I tracked all the things with my first son. I used an app to track every wet/dirty diaper, the amount of minutes I was breastfeeding on each side, how long he was sleeping each time he closed his sweet little eyes. While initially some of this is helpful because those first few days your brain is kind of mush and when the pediatrician asks how many wet/dirty diapers your baby is having it’s nice to have something to reference. But after those initial few days- for me I found that tracking led to more stress than good. I’d forget to log a feed or diaper and be trying to backtrack and remember.

This added stress was especially true for baby sleep. By tracking what time baby slept and for how long, I became almost obsessed with it. How much was he sleeping, was it enough or not enough? Was he low or high sleep needs? Oh no, 2 hours has gone by and he’s still awake I need to get him to sleep. My brain was constantly thinking about and worrying about his sleep schedule. This time, by not tracking sleep and just trying to go with the flow I feel so much less pressure. We still have a routine and I aim for typical wake windows but because I don’t have all the data right at my fingertips from tracking I don’t worry when she goes down a bit earlier or later than expected or sleeps a bit less or more than might be “ideal”.

3. Keeping Myself Healthy

I didn’t bypass this idea completely my first time around but again, I was so focused on all things baby I sort of forgot about myself in that process. And I think that’s totally normal! But this time around I’m trying a bit harder to keep my own health (both mental and physical) at the forefront of my brain when possible. This looks different each day and is evolving over time as we get further into postpartum but some things I’m focusing on are:

• Staying hydrated
• Feeding myself well (don’t fall into the trap of just snacking here and there because you’re tied to the couch nursing or don’t have a free hand- make a real meal with real food!)
• Hot (uninterrupted) Showers- the uninterrupted part means either waiting until my husband is home to help with kids or after bedtime or getting up early but it’s worth it!
• Getting Out- this was extra important with having a winter baby this time around because to avoid germs I can be tempted to just hunker down and stay in. But being outside in the sun is so good for my soul and getting out of the house even just to the Dunkin drive-through or the post office is a welcome change of scenery.
• Doing Things I Enjoy- reading a book, spending time doing a hobby, watching a favorite show. Does this happen every day? No. And that’s ok, but I make time for it as much as possible! And the farther into postpartum I get the more I’m able to make this happen.

4. Soaking it In

This one is tough. And it’s such a cliche for me to tell you that you’ll look back before you know it and wonder how your baby got so big. But it’s true. And you almost can’t know how true until it’s already happened. But I’m trying to keep that in mind during this season. Early postpartum is hard. You’re tired and up in the middle of the night and covered in milk or spit up or both, sometimes with a fussy baby who doesn’t want to be put down. And it is so easy to wish that season away…to will it to go by faster. You want to jump ahead to the “easier” part.

But this part here, it will never be exactly like this again. So when I’m up nursing my daughter at 2:30 am wishing I could just get some rest, I try to remember the speed at which this season goes. And then I give her an extra snuggle or try to memorize her tiny little features before they change. Does it mean I’m not tired in the morning? Absolutely not (she says while pouring a second cup of coffee) but it gives me the boost I need to keep doing it night after night.

So mama, if you’re in the postpartum trenches with me, whether for the first time or the fifth, I hop you feel some encouragement here. A reminder that this is a season that won’t last forever. A nudge to care for yourself or ask for help if you need it. And a reminder that you are not alone in this!