I stay home with my daughter every day, and I know how incredibly lucky I am to have this opportunity. The privilege it is to be able to raise my daughter, be present for every milestone and watch her ever-growing personality change right in front of my eyes is one I don’t take lightly. I know so many women would LOVE to stay home with their children but are unable to do so. 

I know how fortunate I am, but it doesn’t entirely change my feelings. 

If you are a working mom, and rolling your eyes at me already, hear me out before you close the blog. I admire your ability to be a working mom. Whether it is by choice or not, the amount of balance it takes to be a career woman by day and supermom by night is astonishing. You are incredible, and I am jealous of all you are accomplishing.

Working moms have structure and routine to their day, without being completely monotonous.

While my days at home are structured, everyday is essentially the same. There are certainly play groups or trips to the library or playground sprinkled in, but for the most part my days are one in the same. I thrive on structure, the chaos of the newborn days were difficult for me. I needed the structure that I am living in now, I like to know what to expect and I love having a schedule.

I do, however, wish I could sit in on a meeting once in a while, and share my creative thoughts with other adults. I wish my boss would buy breakfast or lunch for the whole office as an act of appreciation (and I would also appreciate it because it would be a meal I didn’t have to prepare for myself). I want to celebrate the completion of a major project with my team. Our days are structured differently, and once in a while I want to experience your structure again.

I talk to the same person everyday…

…and I love it. I really do. My daughter is the most expressive and fun toddler to have around. She genuinely makes me laugh and as difficult as it is, I enjoy working through those big toddler emotions with her. Sometimes though, I would like to have a conversation with another adult.

I want to talk about a popular TV show or the day’s breaking news with someone who can have a discussion with me too. I want to walk around the office, or school, or department and say good morning to my coworkers and make some small talk before I get started with my work. I wouldn’t trade my current coworker for the world. I know her sweet toddler voice won’t be this cute forever, but sometimes I yearn to talk to other adults during the day.

There is something special about making your own money.

However you and your partner handle finances, bank accounts and bills is completely a personal decision, you need to do what works for you. Even if you both have the mantra “my money is your money” – and maybe your partner has never once blinked an eye at a purchase you made, it is still nice to have your own money to buy things with. You may choose to share money, and have a joint account in which everything is pulled from, but the independence of knowing you are also contributing to that account is something I am jealous of. 

I do work part time. I am fortunate that my jobs are flexible, and I am able to work early mornings and late nights, when my daughter is asleep. Part time income though, just doesn’t compare to a full time salary, and sometimes I would like to feel that excitement on payday knowing my hard earned money just hit the bank account.

My career is put on hold.

I made this decision, and it was the best one for our family at the time, but I am making a huge sacrifice in my career. When I eventually return back to work, I will be the low man on the totem pole again. I will need to re-learn a lot of what was once second nature to me. There will forever be a gap on my resume, and in my work experience, that will take years to make up. I will need to build up my confidence and in some ways, start over. 

This already has me nervous for my eventual first day back to work. As a working mom, you have been able to continue to crush it in your field. You have built relationships, earned promotions, and made a name for yourself (a name outside of just ‘mom’). I know you are making sacrifices at home, to be the strong working woman you are, and it really is admirable.

Some moms are extremely career focused and never considered staying home with their little ones, while other moms jumped at the opportunity to stay home the first chance they had. There is not a right or wrong choice, you need to do what is best for your family. While there are benefits to either option, there are also struggles and sacrifices that come with each option as well.

I love that I spend each day with my daughter, and right now, it is exactly where I am meant to be. No matter how much I love it, how much pride and gratitude I feel that this is my ‘job’ right now, it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes….I am jealous of you hard working mamas out there.

Yes, both of these feelings and emotions can, and do, co-exist. I don’t think I am alone in that!

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