Month after month goes by, and you start to lose hope that your pregnancy test will ever show a positive result. It is taxing on your mind, body, and heart when you are trying to conceive (TTC) for months or even years. It is easy to want to give up and feel as though it’ll never happen to you.
While you may feel like you’re alone, and the only one in the world who is trying to conceive, I assure you – you aren’t. Many couples know how long that two week wait is, and many couples unfortunately understand that crushing feeling of getting another negative pregnancy test.
Only you truly understand your journey when trying to conceive, but I am sure there are feelings of sadness, disappointment, and losing hope – feeling like that positive test will never happen to you. Although it may be hard, I encourage you to do your best and try to stay positive.
Your Feelings Are Valid
The journey in trying to conceive is taxing on you – including your mind, your body, your relationship. The feeling of sadness and disappointment can be excruciating, especially if you have been TTC for months. Feel all of those emotions, because it’s normal and because what you are going through is difficult. Allow yourself the grace to feel disappointed when that second line never appears, or when your period arrives after crossing your fingers that it wouldn’t show up that month.
If you find yourself feeling jealous at every pregnancy announcement that pops up on Instagram, that’s okay too. Your feelings are valid, don’t stop yourself from feeling them. Understand that your time will come, but until it does, you will feel a whole range of emotions. Embrace each phase and stay positive because your journey to motherhood may be long and may be challenging, but your journey is yours and your rainbow is waiting.
Surround Yourself With Positivity
This includes family and friends, and anyone who is in your corner through this TTC period. You want to be surrounded by positive people who encourage you, and remind you that while it is normal for couples to not get pregnant right away, it is also normal to feel the way you are feeling.
In addition to surrounding yourself with positivity in relationships, don’t let the negativity of your own thoughts take over either. It is easier said than done, but change your outlook on this whole process. Instead of viewing each month as a “failure” (which it absolutely is not), think of it as an opportunity to start over. Each month when your period arrives, it starts a new cycle, and a new chance for you to try and conceive. If you choose to allow negative thoughts to take over, your mindset starts to shift as well. That negativity can cause added stress, which doesn’t set your body up for success when TTC.
Your Partner Is On Your Side
Lean on your partner, ask for support when you need it, they are on your team and you are both on this TTC journey together. Your partner might grieve differently than you do, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t upset. Some people can continue with their daily business as usual while others may feel devastated and have a hard time focusing on anything else. Be compassionate and understanding to your partner’s feelings, but remember they are there for you too.
If you need to talk through your feelings, ask your partner to listen. If you need to cry and mourn ‘what could’ve been’, ask your partner to cuddle close and hold you. You are on the same team, and yearning for the same end goal.
Again, easier said than done, but this is important for your mental health during this difficult time. While you may find your thoughts to be consumed with worries surrounding your TTC journey, it is a good idea to keep your mind busy and focused elsewhere if possible. Make time for a favorite hobby or interest, plan a date night with your partner or organize a girls day trip. Keeping yourself busy will help keep your stress levels under control, which is important during this time.
You may never be able to completely distract yourself from what you and your partner are going through behind closed doors, but making time for yourself and your relationship can help ease some of the worry. Go get a massage or watch a comedy special on Netflix and just belly laugh. Don’t lose yourself during this time, and make an extra effort for some much needed self care.
For better or for worse, we live in a world where we can instantly connect with people all over the globe. While that instant connection can have its own set of pros and cons, in a situation like this, where you need to be reminded you aren’t alone, it is certainly helpful. You can find blogs written by women who are TTC, or find women on YouTube who might be documenting their trials and tribulations.
Finding support on social media is also very helpful if you are opting to go through this TTC journey privately. You may have decided to not open up to your family about this yet, but you still need support of some kind. A quick search of the letters ‘TTC’ will pull up dozens of forums and areas you can connect with other women to discuss your challenges.
There are also apps like Peanut or What To Expect When You’re Expecting – which are social media apps designed for mothers to connect with each other – and this also includes those TTC. You will be able to find people walking a similar path at the same time as you.
While you are looking for online support, it might also help you to research some information about the TTC process. You may be surprised to learn this is very common, the stats are 1 in 8 women struggle to get pregnant and 1 in 4 women experience the loss of a pregnancy. You may also come across some advice when it comes to TTC, or some tips on how to increase your chances of success.
On average, it takes a couple anywhere from 6 to 12 months to successfully conceive & carry a viable pregnancy. Even if you fall within that timeline, you may be worrying about what that next step is, if you are unable to get pregnant on your own. The best thing you can do is continue to keep a positive outlook and acknowledge that there is a next step, and the next step may look different for all couples, but it is there.
You can educate yourself on options you may have, and what that looks like financially or logistically. Of course, it is best to discuss any and all concerns with your doctor, but sometimes it helps to ease some of that stress or anxiety to at least begin educating yourself on what is available to you.
Having a baby seems to come so easy for some couples, and can be challenging for others. My husband and I fall into the latter – we are not a couple who gets pregnant the first time we try. I see you Mama, and while you may feel like you’re traveling this road alone, you are not. The important thing is to not lose faith, your time will come, your journey just looks a little different for now.