You get pregnant and BAM! Everyone you know is an expert on all things baby! Luckily, you’re allowed to pick and choose what advice you take, so don’t worry.
Highlights include “sleep when the baby sleeps,” breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, and giving your baby beef jerky?!
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[intro] Hey, welcome to I’m That Mom the podcast about motherhood without the pressure of perfection. My name is Katie. I’m a self taught entrepreneur who started my baby company while pregnant, and grew it to an eight figure business as a single mom of three. Join us as we discuss the fun, funny and messy parts of motherhood. We’re certainly not experts. We’re just here to support all the moms and hopefully, collectively, we don’t completely (bleep) up.
Well, what is it with as soon as you get pregnant? The advice? Like, it’s like a, what do you what’s a,
like a waterfall, like a waterfall is all of a sudden, the floodgates just open
open and there’s no filter, and it just goes like the second, you have a bump or you tell somebody you’re pregnant, all of a sudden, every experience they ever had an opinion about that experience is going to be word vomited on you. Yeah. Right. And then it doesn’t stop,
which is like sometimes good, because every now and then you like learn something you didn’t know before.
but I feel like the majority of the time, you’re like, can you? T hank you for letting me know.
And there’s a difference between telling somebody what to do. And then maybe if like, you were to say that Grayson was really struggling with like teething, then I’d be like, Oh, well, this really worked for me. And so you might be appreciative of that. And I think that’s the kind of advice we want. But the ones that are like, should you be drinking that coffee? It’s not very good for you, and you’re newly pregnant. And I’m judging you right now. Like, stop with the unwanted advice. We’re grown women making decisions, and we can do what’s best for ourselves. Right?
Yeah, I think so.
I want to go down, so I kind of like wrote out my favorites. And I want to just see if our experience is kind of the same with each one. So I’m going to start with the biggest one because I feel like this is something that everybody has an opinion with. And it is baby names.
Absolutely. From family to friends. Yes, everyone, everybody.
But more importantly, is, you know, I always feel for the people that are like, I want to name my baby. And then they say a name. And then the in-laws or the – somebody’s always got a story like oh, you can’t name your baby Jack, because I knew a guy named Jack in high school, and he was a jerk, Jack the jerk, or anything and there’s so much pressure, it’s so hard to name your kid.
or like you don’t use a family name. There’s a disappointment there.
by one side or the other.
Or if you use one family name, like maybe you were really close with your grandma. And so it meant a lot for you to use that. But then it’s expected of you to use another family name. And I think that that’s not fair. Like it should just be whatever you want and naming your child is it’s kind of a big deal. Like I have a list. I had my top 10 Girl lists my top 10 Boy lists, did you kind of have the same thing?
I did. And my husband hated all of them. So I have a new list.
Yeah, but Okay, so there’s like a whole psychology behind naming your kids and listen up, ladies, if you have a husband that doesn’t want a certain name, or like a certain name, I’m gonna tell you, the way to get it is you hold back on your favorite name. So don’t ever come out of the gates with like, I’m having a girl, I’m gonna name her Grayson, right? Because immediately he’s gonna feel like he needs to have an opinion. So you have to hold on to it. Like, give them the like, I want to name her. I don’t know Olivia and Beckett. And then let him like shit all over those. And then wait, and then let him throw out some ideas and be like, Wow, you’re really smart. And then like write secretly like Grayson all over and let him see it. Or somehow get him to say, I really liked the name. Or you can say I know like, what if it started with a G like, I love G names and like gray, no gray and then let him go “hey what about Grayson.”
oh my gosh,
I love it. Right? Yeah, you’re smiling! Kind is kind of brilliant.
No, yeah, I get it.
So let me know when you pick the baby and we will like gang up and like figure out. Okay, but that’s not what we’re talking about where I have a feather on my nose or something I’m trying to get off. But we’re talking about unwanted advice. So baby names, I think if they asked for your opinion, so we do on Instagram rules a lot. We say okay, if you’re having trouble picking between names, you know, and they’ll say, Okay, it’s between Quinn or Everly and then we post it for mom and we let our viewers vote which people love like is probably our highest ranked like voting, you know, thing. I think that’s cool, because you’re really just wanting to see how other people react to the names because ultimately, we don’t want our kids to be stuck with like bad names. Right? So that’s a nice way of like asking for their opinion. But when they say what do you name in your baby, and you come out with like two names, and they’re like, oh god, they’re both horrible. Like, that’s because like, why? Yeah.
It’s unbelievable how people just drop the filter sometimes.
I think if you’re asked for your opinion about the baby name, give it, if you’re not asked, just say you like it, then walk away and like secretly text yourself about how much you hate it, but like, give the mom a break, right? Yeah. Um, what do you think? What do you what’s your biggest thing?
Man, when I was pregnant, which like, it’s exhausting being pregnant, and I was working at the same time, and we were renovating a house and moving so I was tired. And people would say like, oh, you’re not tired yet, like, just wait until the baby’s here just like, I’m allowed to, like, feel these things and be exhausted right now. Like, I know that’s coming, but like, Don’t tell me it’s just gonna get worse.
yeah, like put a the whole like pot of gold at the end of it. You think it can get worse than it is right now? I’m puking. I can’t sleep. I’m exhausted. My whole body is like, not normal. Yeah. And, and it’s gonna get worse. But yeah, I agree. Like, let’s we all know, it’s hard. So maybe let’s be supportive. And just be like, I think you’re doing a really great job. Like that must be really hard, renovating a house and being pregnant. And you like literally had all your like, COVID and moved your wedding? Like I know, a lot going on. And yeah, the last thing you wanted to hear was it just gets harder. But… it does get harder.
It does. But again, like, can we just say just let me feel what I’m feeling right now.
Agreed, and it just changes. I think that’s what ultimately moms mean is like, oh my gosh, like I’d give anything to go back and just be tired pregnant with my first because I’m chasing a two year old and yeah, pregnant and work. You know, all the things and I think that’s where it comes from, but maybe how people interpret it. Like that’s kind of where we should just be cautious of each other.
What about crying it out versus sleep training? I feel like that starts to come up even before babies hear like Yeah, are you – is baby gonna sleep with you? Are you gonna put them in the nursery? Are you going to co-sleep? Your co-sleeping? Like God forbid, let me tell you people like I nursed my baby in the bed. Like, did you ever lay on your side and like you were feeding the baby and you fell asleep?
we fell asleep. I know. You can like roll over and squished the baby, but you are exhausted. And sometimes it just happens.
Yeah, I would just like let her sleep on my chest and in bed. And we would just nap like that, because I didn’t want to move her. I was too tired to move and it worked.
Yeah, like, and it was fine. And I’m sure we’re gonna get all that like, oh, but this could happen. And this could happen. But everybody’s just doing their best. And whether that is, honestly, it’s how her baby’s gonna sleep. Like if babies can sleep in the bassinet. If babies can sleep in their crib, if babies can sleep with you, when a baby’s gonna sleep on the floor. Yeah, who cares? All moms trying to do is get baby to sleep.
So yeah, same thing. Like I felt like, it’s kind of a personal question. Like, instead of saying, what are you gonna do? You know, wait until they’re figuring it out? Or Mom asks or like, Hey, let me know, like you’re expecting and if this was your first, you know, do you need help with registry? If they’re like, Well, I’m debating on getting a bassinet. You know, but I’ve been reading this book about sleep training and, or whatever it is. Wait until there’s a moment like don’t just kind of go into it. Right.
Wait for it
Wait for it. Um, what else?
I mean, since you mentioned sleep, the whole sleep when the baby sleeps. Like I would love to if I had a housekeeper and a chef.
Yes, laundry. Or a moment to myself. Like, I like to just have that moment of just nobody needing anything from me. And it wasn’t like I wanted to sleep. I was exhausted. But that really was when you get the rest done.
Yeah. When you can just like lay there and like read your book or just like Doom scroll through your phone. Just, zoned out.
Or do you remember I always like when the baby was asleep, especially a newborn. I’d spend the whole time like staring at them. Like, I’m so excited for them. Like I’m like, oh my god, I miss you already. You’re asleep. Like I want you to wake up. You’re so cute, like and you’re just quietly kissing them. And then the moment they wake up, you’re like, oh shit, I can’t wait for you go back to sleep. And it’s just that vicious cycle of you know, so? Yeah, but it is it’s sleep when the baby sleeps. That sounds great. But that’s like saying like, Oh, you want to get healthy. Just exercise every day. Is it that easy? No big deal. I’m just gonna – that’s what I’m missing is somebody just to tell me to exercise? Yeah, if they would do that they would be better. Okay, so I wrote not to – don’t hold that baby too much. You’ll spoil them. No.
that one drives me crazy. It drives me crazy, because you can only hold them for so long and then you physically can’t anymore. And so I don’t think you can ever have too much time with them.
I think I agree. And it’s so fleeting. And there’s a balance, like, we want them to be able to lay down and be self soothing, and I totally get that. But I don’t think that there’s like a time restriction. Like, no, after 20 minutes, oh, your baby’s gonna be hard and difficult now, because you held them five minutes too long. No. And every baby is different. My second was super independent, like love to be, you know, she wanted to be laid down asleep. She wanted to kind of have her own space, and she loved bring in the swing by herself. Whereas my first was much more needy as a boy. Of course, he was more needy. But he always wanted to be held and and I think you have to adapt to what makes your baby happy. And if you have a baby that’s happier when it’s being held. Then you do that? Because like Happy Baby. There’s no happy wife happy life. It’s like happy baby sane mom.
Yeah. So accurate.
Okay, what else? What else is like, have you had somebody tell you recently, maybe even –
Oh, my gosh. I mean, I think another thing that comes up is the whole like breast milk versus formula thing. And we just have to remember that fed is best, it just, there’s no other explanation.
And can we all just agree to take the pressure off because there are moms that would love to breastfeed that can’t? so they don’t have a choice. They have to give baby bottle. There’s moms that breastfeed and have preemies and need to supplement and they give them formula. There’s you know, moms that had maybe a surrogate pregnancy and they don’t have the ability to breastfeed. And there’s also there’s working moms, like my happy spot was a little bit of both. like I did the breastfeeding thing. And with each baby, it got less and less because I was more and more busy. And my like, really happy spot was being able to breastfeed in the morning and breastfeed at night and do bottle in the middle. You know, and then I like had the best of both worlds. And so it was like a slow transition. I remember when I was moving to just straight formula. It wasn’t like an all or none. But no judgement, like, yeah, breastfeed that baby until they’re eight like, I’ll might think that’s a little weird, but like – I’m all “no judgment, but not until then.” I agree fed is best. And I think there’s so many scenarios. I mean, it goes even with are you a stay at home mom, are you a working mom? You know, are you a mom that gets to work from home? Are you not a mom that’s working from home? You know, do you have 1000 different things that go into making a difference? And nobody should have an opinion, all they should be able to do is say, Oh, you’re breastfeeding. Like, this is what really helped me like warm compresses or lactation consultants or,
or your own formula. Can I help you find in extra can right now?
Oh my God, those poor moms and then the ones with like, special need, you know,
oh, my gosh, the diets? Yeah,
I mean, like, we just have to be supportive no matter what, because at the end of the day, we’re just trying to take care of our babies and that’s it.
There’s kind of like pros and cons to everything. Like all the choices if you think about it, everything related to baby and pregnancy. There is pros and cons. There’s pros and cons to C section and vaginal. There’s pros and cons to co sleeping or, you know, crying it out or in their crib. There’s pros and cons to breast versus formula. Meaning there’s pros and cons to having your babies close together or far apart. Yeah, all the things and I think like even with formula and breast milk, there’s so many pros and cons and it’s just about helping new moms understand what the pros and cons are of both so that they can make a decision about what works best for them. And if that’s how we can support mom’s like we’re killing it.
Absolutely. No, I agree. Yeah. And I think something else that goes into that is the bottles like you said you did a bottle during the day and some people are, I think afraid of bottles and pacifiers and nipple confusion. And I think that’s something that I mean it can be real especially if you’re only breastfeeding, like –
I’m going on mic right now to say, I don’t think no, no, I don’t. I’m gonna disagree. But I think if anything, I think babies, some babies like the bottle because they can eat faster. Some babies don’t want to put that much work in, some babies like the breasts because it is, you know skin on skin and maybe more nurturing to them. But the nipple confusion. I mean, I just feel like it’s so specific to that child. And yeah, but I don’t think we should put fear and moms at an early point when they have the baby at the hospital saying, if you want to breastfeed, you better not use a pacifier.
Yeah, I mean, there’s a reason why they give out the pacifiers for free at the hospital. Like they can’t be terrible if the doctors are giving them out.
No, and and I feel like even it even goes down to the nurses and the lactation consultants, they’re there to provide support. 99.9% of them are so amazing and educate but you get one that has like a strong opinion about one or the other. And you don’t know the back history and you don’t know, you know, and, and quite frankly, we don’t know if our babies are going to be some suckers or passes or bottle or boob or we can plan it and we can anticipate like, we think we’re going to breastfeed for six months or a year or we think we’re not going to do it, maybe we had a bad experience. And now we’re going straight to bottle. Even going to bottle I wrote on here. Just like really bottles in general, there’s kind of a cult following behind like certain brands.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Right and pacis too.
Well, what kind of bottle do you use?
Yes, yes. And like when you’re registering, and then somebody comes up, and it’s like, oh, well, let me tell you exactly what you need on your registry. And they’re like, well, this bottle type. And you’re like, Okay, well, you don’t know any different. Guess who’s gonna pick the bottle type and what they take?
Yes! And some bottles are like they I don’t know, it’s kind of same thing. There’s like pros and cons. I remember, there was a brand I bought. I’m not gonna say it because I think it’s a really good brand, but it had a bazillion pieces to it. And I had to wash. Do you know which brand I’m talking about?
I know which brand you’re talking about, because we started with that. Yeah. And we switched. Because why wash three extra pieces?
Three? I felt like it was 100 pieces. So I switched to a more basic bottle, which was great. And luckily my kids all of them ended up taking the same kind of bottle. But I like to tell moms and I think this is good advice in general with registry is maybe register for one of like three different brands, and then see what baby takes because what you don’t want to do is go and buy a whole bunch of – and same with breastfeeding moms like don’t go buy a ton of really thick breast pads or really thin breast pads because you don’t really know which one you’re going to need and so maybe just kind of having a sampling so that you have all the options there ready to support yourself and what you need as best possible.
Oh my gosh, yeah. No, that’s the way you have to do it. Yeah.
I mean, you can’t go buy like all the strollers and then find out, wouldn’t that be nice.
Oh, that would be amazing.
Although I kind of was like a stroller hoarder a little bit like I had a jogging stroller and I had a clip in…
Okay but you have a baby store like you had the advantage of like the insider scoop on the good things to have. I would take around and advice from you.
Yeah, I know. I know. It’s like and this is what’s so great about this stroller. Do you know what didn’t exist though, is that car seat that turns into a stroller that they have. Ah, that is so amazing.
It is the coolest thing ever. Um, I’m upset. We don’t have one now. Because last year when we were stroller shopping, first of all, you could not find one anywhere because they were like sold out everywhere. Yeah. And one year ago, they were I swear to you $300 More than they are today.
Well, that brand figured it out.
Oh my gosh, they did. It’s everywhere. Yeah, it’s the coolest thing.
I had multiple baby carriers. I had all kinds but I would take friends and borrow like just to try it out and figure out what worked for me. Yeah, I recommend that to all moms I think.
Yeah, I mean, if there’s anything you can do with the unwanted advice is just like take note of it so that if you need something to try later on then you have some options in your back pocket.
like the teething story.
Oh my gosh. Okay, so yeah, that is the craziest piece of advice that someone has ever given me. It was when Grayson started getting teeth that like four months old –
so cute. She came in and she had like two teefies.
Yeah, the first time you met her!
and she was like grinning and I was like, oh my god, her teefies.
Yeah, they were fresh then like she had just gotten them in. And so she wasn’t even eating Real food at that point she was still being breastfed and like –
She was a baby still. Yeah, like, I mean, she’s a baby but like,
Yeah, but you know, they get a little fussy with the teething and somebody told me give her some beef jerky. Like what?
I haven’t even heard that, is like, it’s like a chew toy?
Yeah, they said the beef jerky is like,
not to mention that’s probably definitely not healthy.
No! But yeah, they said the salt like will numb her gums and then the chewiness of the jerky will like be soothing for her. And oh, by the way, it’s meat. So it’s protein like, Excuse me? Well, I don’t know. Maybe that’s a thing somewhere, you know, who am I to judge.
So in the store, they sell those Amber beads necklace. have you seen this? people swear by them. I never used them with my kiddos. I always just kind of did like the cold teether. Or, you know, let them chew on things or get the oragel that you get on and help out. And you know, my kids always had like fever and diarrhea with teething. So we were those, they weren’t as much like the criers because it I don’t know. I mean, each one is different. Right? But man people swear by those beads. And I’m always like, what did the beads do like it but I think they absorb or has some? I think it’s like one of those psychosomatic things…
Am I allowed to say that? That’s probably – but who cares if it works. Try it out. Beef jerky?
I don’t know about the beef jerky. Do you like the whiskey on the gums?
Yes! All the things. Yeah. And so another one? Cloth diapers versus regular diapers. They come out and tell you right? Oh, we’re using cloth diapers? Oh, you’re using regular diaper?
do you know how those destroy the Earth? Yeah.
I’m like, I’m gonna tell y’all like I am destroying the earth one by one. Again, like, I think it’s awesome. And I had my mom put cloth diapers on me. And I was formula fed. And I turned out a little screwed up. But it’s okay. Yeah. And I think that that was a thing. But now, to me, it’s the time. I mean, I’ve got three kids and a business. And so it’s, I don’t have the ability to go and like, I don’t know, I don’t know, I guess it was just a personal choice. But who cares? Like, why do you care what I do?
No exactly, I don’t care what your kid shits in like, oh, just clean it.
Don’t be the mom HEB walking around like, our grocery store is HEB. Like walking around with the like, shitty diaper and everyone can smell it. And we’re just like, Yeah, your diaper rash is gonna be worse than you actually stopping right now. I’m going and changing the diaper. But no judgment. If that is what if you takes…
Mad respect for that, honestly. Because that’s it’s an extra layer of work in my mind. And so if you’re taking the time to do that, then I applaud you.
and you’re at the grocery store with the baby. Where’s dad? Yeah,
So either way, you’re doing great.
How about, Gosh, this one kind of goes like hand in hand. But I feel like people kind of come out right away and ask you, if you’re going to go back to work, or if you’re staying home?
And then that’s a two fold question. Because if you’re going back to work, are you going to do a nanny? Are you going to do daycare? Like who’s going to watch the baby? I have to tell you really quick story. And this is probably like, my biggest unwanted advice I ever got. It was from my mother in law, and I was pregnant with my first. Yes. And she came up to me and I had just started Caden Lane. You know, I was busy building this business. And she was like, well, so if you’re going to be working and if you’re at work, like who was gonna make my then husbands dinner, and I think my whole like head lifted off my shoulders and like, rotated and know like Yes. It was just kind of an assumption. And that’s the hard part. Like, the he’s gonna make his dinner because I’m gonna build a business and I’m gonna do all the things and like
paying the bills.
Yeah, paying the bills, like back off. You make his dinner. You didn’t do all the other things I had to fix, you know, by myself. But um, yeah, I mean, I that’s a personal choice, too. And, and then you’re allowed to change your mind. I think that too. We have so much pressure and sometimes it’s based on maybe how we grew up, right. It’s what are we familiar with? And what are our friends doing? What does society say we need to do? What can we financially afford?
That’s a big part of it. I think working and daycare and babies are not cheap and sometimes, sometimes you have to be the breadwinner as the mom sometimes it’s the dad, so you need to have those discussions to figure out what really is best.
and you know what, in the same breath like, lets ask dads a little bit more often, you know? So what are you gonna do when baby’s born? You’re gonna go back to work. Are you staying home with the baby?
Why don’t we ask dads that? I have several friends that have stay at home dads, and I still get a little weird with it. I’m like, Oh, hell no. If I’m at work, he’s working. But you know what, like, that’s not the attitude we should have. Because if we’re asking women that we need to ask men that too. And I think the same thing should be the same expectation should be held. I mean, I’m a single mom, like, I had to get the kids ready in the morning, I had to go to work. I had to take them school, like, all the things and so I feel like we need to hold dads up to the same standard that we’re held up to a little bit more.
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that’s true. Even if you are a stay at home mom, because you are working all day long. So is your husband so that time after work? At that point, you’re on overtime. And so I think yeah, exactly. Speaking of mother in laws, I think one of like, the most common questions that comes up, especially for us was who gets to be in the room or at the hospital when baby is born? Oh, yeah. Like I think everybody wants to be there. Which is so cool but –
Um yeah! I’m going to be there for my daughter’s having babies. But when my son marries, like, I kind of understand if like she doesn’t, but my girls have no choice. And you might not either, can I sneak in and be a nurse? But yeah, it’s a thing. And there’s definitely opinionated family members. Especially the grandmas.
And I think that’s something people have to think about a little bit more now. Because we had a little bit of a break with it. Because of COVID. We lucked out with our first baby. We had her in October 21. And so like the we could only have one person there at a time. So it was either my husband or somebody else.
You’re lucky you even had the ability to bring somebody else.
Oh my gosh, I know!
I remember a time where moms were really giving birth and maybe even dads weren’t there.
One of my friends had to do that she gave birth in April 2020. And I cried for her because it’s so scary. And then you had to give birth with the mask on and being and that just like,
I would have been like hell no. Giving birth. Yes. Well, people didn’t have a choice. I mean, it was a crazy time we live in. And I think now they are kind of opening back up lnd for guests and visitors. Yeah. But yeah, it’s almost like they took out like now people are like, well, do you want me there or not?
And which I think is good, because like giving birth is such like a very exposing and like raw experience. Yeah. Like,
not to mention that you’re naked with your legs wide open.
I mean, these that I have never seen happen to my own body before. So why do I want to share it with 10 other people like right away? And I think like some people you’re meant for that, but others are more private. And so again, whatever is more comfortable for you.
I actually my sister let me be in the room.
She did! she kill me for telling the story, but I’m gonna tell it and then we’re gonna wrap it up because I feel like we could talk about this forever. But on that note, so it was, and I’m one of six kids like I come from a very big family. Yeah. And I didn’t even let my mom in on my deliveries. Like I was kind of way more private. And I wanted it to be my moment.
And that’s me now.
I know. I’m like an introvert. But when my sister said, you know, yeah, yes. I assume everybody wants me there for their deliveries, but I wanted nobody in mine. But yeah, we got to hide so it was like an accordion door and we got to hide and my other sister watched with me. And so it was a side view and we watched Yes, we watched the whole thing.
Had you given birth at that point? Like have you ever seen..
Yes! Oh, yeah. I’d been in baby world forever, yeah. And remember like, remember like baby story and all the TLC shows used to be on like, I feel like I’ve seen childbirth.
They don’t actually like show you like the full –
Girl you can find those videos. But it wasn’t real time. But I watched the whole thing. And it was amazing. It was amazing. It really was and the husband like came down there. I mean, I love them to pieces, but I remember she was giving birth and the doctor was like Dad Do you want to see and he kind of like peek down like right at the wrong moment when something happened that happens in childbirth and And I mean to this day like my other sister and I still crack up about it. But yeah, I got to be in there and she let the inlaws like we were, there was like, eight of us in this little side room. And that doesn’t happen anymore. But yeah, it’s crazy. So yeah, and I think that’s it is, is kind of the unwanted, like, let mom decide who she wants in there. And she may change her mind and the middle of it, like, I want to be there. So if my daughter’s like, Mom, I need you in here. I’m right there. But I will respect maybe if she says, Mom, like, wait until after the baby’s born. I want this to be between me and the husband. So yeah, yeah, let let mom’s decide.
because mom needs to be relaxed. They need to be in a good state of mind. They don’t need to be worrying about who’s gonna pop through the door or anything else. There’s enough surprises that happen during labor.
And you’re gonna see my eyes. I’m just gonna be like, I’m ready to catch.
I’m gonna text you a photo of the baby and you’re gonna be like, I know.
I know. I’m here like photo bombing in the back. Yeah. Okay, this was so fun. I love it. Like we’re even making unwanted advice fun, but this was an awesome conversation. So thank you. Yeah, you.
[Outro] That was so fun. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. And I hope you found a little nugget of something helpful in there. If you’re curious about our brand, and what we’ve been up to you can check us out at Caden lane.com. Or join us on social where we’ve got several exciting projects that we can’t wait to get you involved in. See you soon.