Being a new mom can be A LOT! Not only do you have a tiny human you are responsible for but you still need to take care of yourself along with all the other responsibilities you have while not getting any sleep. How we manage it all I’m still not sure, and I have two kids!
Everyone and anyone from family and friends to random people in the grocery store have words of advice for new moms. Some words of wisdom are helpful while others are less than ideal to say to a new parent.
Here are some things you should never say to a new mom and a few things you should.
What not to say:
1. Just wait until…
Insert the next phase their child is going to go through. As children grow, another phase or milestone is coming next, whether walking, teething, throwing tantrums, or going off to college.
Advice givers find it necessary to blow off the tough time you might be having now by saying just wait until the next phase comes and you’ll wish you were still going through this phase. It’s not only unhelpful but it invalidates any feelings you may have. We all know as parents our children will grow and move to the next milestone but we are allowed to feel as though this phase is challenging because, well, being a parent is a tough job!
2. Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?
This one has to be my favorite because who has met a baby that instantly sleeps through the night right out of the womb? Absolutely no one! All babies are different and therefore some sleep more than others and that is perfectly ok. Asking this question is entirely unhelpful and makes it seem like there is something wrong with a baby if they don’t sleep through the night, which is not the case.
3. Remember there are people who wish they could be in your place.
This normally comes after a mom expresses she is struggling, which is a horrible response. As someone who struggled with infertility before having her 2 miracle children, you can be thankful for your children but also feel overwhelmed because motherhood is hard and that’s okay!
When talking to a new mom there are some things you should say:
1. How are you feeling? Can I help?
Everyone always asks how the baby is feeling and that’s wonderful but we should also ask how the mom is doing. Most new moms may be struggling but won’t reach out for help and asking how they are doing may give them the opportunity to open up to you.
If you are visiting a new mom, offer your help! Everyone wants to hold the new baby but new moms need coffee, food, and someone to help them clean or let them take a shower!
2. It gets easier!
Validating that although the early weeks or months as a new mom are tough, it does get easier as their baby grows.
3. You are doing an amazing job!
Every mom needs to hear this!
4. We’ve all been there! You are not alone.
Hearing this shows a new mom they aren’t the only one who has gone through whatever they’re going through. It is so comforting as a mom to not be alone.
Being a mom is a tough job! Offering support or just a listening ear can help a new mom more than you know.
What else would you want to hear as a new mom?